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Fiance's Friend

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About This Thread
Replies: 4
Last Post: Jul 31 2008 6:15 PM
Last Post By: jacy3
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BodyQuest
Fiance's Friend
Posted: Jul 23, 2008

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I am really getting frustrated with one my fiancé's friends. I want to start by saying I am not controlling of my fiancé and we are very trusting and open with each other. Basically... my Fiancé's friend (FF) is in a unhappy marriage and always playing around on his wife. My fiancé would never betray our trust and be with another woman but obviously has no choice in what his friend does and is not going to baby sit! Anyway... before I came along, I suppose they talked alot about women they had both met (blah,blah,blah...male stuff)! My fiancé often talks to him on speaker phone (1. so that I can be involved in the conversation, and 2. we have nothing to hide from each other), and FF continues to bring up girls of the past (both his own and my fiancés). My fiancé tries to just get past that conversation with uhuh's and oh ya's, but I am getting very tired of FF always bringing up all these past events.

I have told my fiancé a few times how it really is getting to me, but neither of us know how he should handle it. I told him to maybe tell FF "Out of respect of my relationship I would like you to stop bringing up past girls." And it didn't seem like he wanted to tell him that? Any ideas?

Also, FF, would always rather go out with just my fiancé because he wants opportunities to pick up women I suppose, or just doesn't want to be with his own. So whenever an activity involves FF I am kind of left behind because he invites just my fiance. Any ideas on this??

I appreciate your feedback!
 

Responses
Fiance's Friend

Posted: Jul 24, 2008

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Replying to: Fiance's Friend

I think FF is jealous of his best friend's relationship with you. Somehow I get the feeling he'll kind of always be a sore spot..always wanting to cause problems simply because he has no respect for anyone else...he's self centered.

I think your fiance needs to tell him to stop living in the past...he'll never move forward if he doesn't. His priorities are thoroughly mixed up or he'd be trying to work on his marriage instead of screwing it up further, and that's what he's intending on doing with the relationship with you and your fiance.

I'd sit down with your future hubby again and say "listen...im really concerned that because his marriage is not important to him, that he's trying to destroy ours...I'd really feel better about us just not giving him the chance to do that by slowing distancing ourselves from him" If you have to, reitterate your feelings again. It's obvious your fiance is a little more mature and respectful than friend is, so bring that up. Hopefully you'll get him to see how much they've grown apart.

I feel for you..I know those kinds of situations are annoying as well as hurtful.. Good luck getting this guy out of your hair.

Fiance's Friend

Posted: Jul 25, 2008

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Replying to: Fiance's Friend

I spoke to my fiance the other day and he seemed to think that FF wasn't really saying anything that often? It's practically everytime he calls, he will refer to one occasion or one girl. I am now writing it down so that I can again talk to my fiance by this time have exactly what he said and when , because when he asks for references I seem to forget exact quotes. Good or Bad Idea?

The problem with them seperating in friendship is they are also business partners, so they need to talk everyday. Otherwise slowly distancing ourselves would be my first option!

Thanks for your advice and encouraging words.

Fiance's Friend

Posted: Jul 27, 2008

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Replying to: Fiance's Friend

I learned something very valuable recently in a situation with my DBF. Guess what? You don't get to manage your fiance's relationships, not even the one with this disrespectful friend.

What you can do is remove yourself from the room during speaker phone conversations. If you don't like what he says, don't listen to it.

You can tell your fiance how you feel about this guy and you can let him know that you value your relationship at a level this FF would not understand, but you don't get to control your fiance's relationships.

If you need further information on the situation that happened with my DBF and me, I'll find the link to the post on Couples Coping from a month or so ago, and then I'll let you know what's happened since then.


--
Me n Junior, aka Li'l G.

Fiance's Friend

Posted: Jul 31, 2008

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Replying to: Fiance's Friend

I agree with Swoosh. This is a relationship that you cannot get involved in. Remove yourself and let them have their friendship.

If you trust your fiance, then it doesn't matter. He knows this guy has damaged relationships, and he probably has some insight about why. It doesn't mean that your fiance will behave badly with him or that he holds the same values.

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